Day thirty-three: My Career

I felt that by writing this down, it may make more sense even to me.  Who knows.

I've wanted to work with animals since I was very young.  Granted, it's always been in different contexts.  Still heavily regarding animals.  I don't know at which point I decided it was zookeeping that was for me.  But in a moment, I knew that was it.  I knew what I needed to work for and accomplish.  I knew the ladder to climb for the rest of my life.  I worked hard.  I worked at several zoos, while also interning for free at others.  All to build my resume and gain those desired experiences.  This was on top of being a full time student working my way towards a bachelor's degree.  I enrolled in a school worthy of notation and somehow, someway, honestly earned my degree:  Bachelor of Science in Animal Science.  Whoo-hoo!  I was already working at a world famous, top-ranked zoo and headed on up that ladder I had memorized.  Not only working as a zookeeper, but also as a grooming salon attendant.  Truly, it was anything that I could get my hands on to earn experience and help pay the rent.
But one day, out of the blue, I got a call about a position within a veterinary clinic that desperately called my name.  Fast forward a few weeks, some breakdowns, some panic attacks, tears, excitement...I accepted the position.  Just like that, I gave up the job title I had well earned, had molded myself into.  I had dedicated myself to a career and decided it wasn't for me before it even began.
There was no logic behind this decision.
I knew the salary of a zookeeper well before pursuing my degree.  I was WELL aware of the job inside and out from an early standpoint.  I loved my job, I bled and breathed zookeeping.
There was something inside of me pulling me away.  And to this day, I try my hardest not to dwell on those feelings.  Because what if they were betrayal?
I have learned so much in the veterinary field.  My skill set has never dwindled but rather expanded.  I changed motion about a year into the job I had accepted and decided I could be happier in another position at another clinic, helping me fill my resume further.
I've thought about potentially becoming a practice manager...this would require me going back to school to earn my "mini MBA".  But, I'm up for the challenge.
Truthfully, I have no idea what I'm doing.  Once I removed myself from the world I had created, I didn't recognize my reflection.  I've played the blame game.  I could try to go back if I wanted to.  It feels like playing with fire, though.  I'll wind up right where I was.  Perfectly content, but yet not fulfilled.
I feel trapped in a degree that nearly killed me while trying to earn it.  Irony is harsh.
I am a firm believer that situations will not change unless you take the action to change them.  So, being told to be patient and wait is insulting.  There has to be something out there for me.  I just wish I could hurry up and find it.
I hope to touch back on this subject in the future.  Until then...