I don't want to lay it all out like dirty laundry, but a lot has happened in the last year and half. As a person who doesn't let go of things...ever...every single moment is on my shoulders. I am teetering from one side to the other under the burden. It has been physically impossible to not let this effect me.
I keep telling myself, "Once you feel better, you'll go back to the real you. Once this is all in the rear view mirror, you'll be back to normal. It won't be so damn hard. This isn't the real you. You are better than this. You're cheerful, you're funny, you're heartfelt. One day it will go back."
At what point do I need to be admitting that this is the way I am now? That there is no going back.
I've let it break me. I've let it heavy my heart, hurt my spirit, poison my thoughts, lace my words with venom. I have not won here. I have so sorely lost.
