Wow, the last time I even glanced at this blog was over a month ago. Is it possible that time moves that quickly? I literally cannot keep up. I mean literally. When my alarm goes off in the morning, my mind is still processing the previous night's events. That's something that fades away, right?
I've been debating what to write about in this post. Obviously, a lot has happened. I cannot decide if writing about it all will hurt or provide relief.
I've experienced death before. A void in my life that will forever remain vacant. I was too young to understand the process, but old enough to remember the details. Old enough to realize that one day, those details would be enough to keep me connected. This time was so different. I'm old enough to understand the process, but fully unable to grasp the details. The sheer weight of sorrow I hold in my heart for Steven prevents me from fully acknowledging last moments, last laughs, last memories...they are too heavy. Even dwelling on this paragraph makes me feel like I can't quite get a full breathe.
There are flowers in the sunny spots of our living room, slowly wilting and decaying. There's a plant that appears eternal and is full of butterfly ornaments, decorating a once bare corner. There's a small urn on our bedside table, suspended in a period of grief, as we attempt to find a place that provides as much beauty and remembrance as she deserves. Here, we will linger.
