Wow, the last time I even glanced at this blog was over a month ago. Is it possible that time moves that quickly? I literally cannot keep up. I mean literally. When my alarm goes off in the morning, my mind is still processing the previous night's events. That's something that fades away, right?
I've been debating what to write about in this post. Obviously, a lot has happened. I cannot decide if writing about it all will hurt or provide relief.
I've experienced death before. A void in my life that will forever remain vacant. I was too young to understand the process, but old enough to remember the details. Old enough to realize that one day, those details would be enough to keep me connected. This time was so different. I'm old enough to understand the process, but fully unable to grasp the details. The sheer weight of sorrow I hold in my heart for Steven prevents me from fully acknowledging last moments, last laughs, last memories...they are too heavy. Even dwelling on this paragraph makes me feel like I can't quite get a full breathe.
There are flowers in the sunny spots of our living room, slowly wilting and decaying. There's a plant that appears eternal and is full of butterfly ornaments, decorating a once bare corner. There's a small urn on our bedside table, suspended in a period of grief, as we attempt to find a place that provides as much beauty and remembrance as she deserves. Here, we will linger.
Oh my,,,I think you should be a writer. Love the way you express things. Maybe you could write children's books about animals. Good to see you online, you definitely have a lasting connection with auntie Candace. Wow she loved you over the top...haha. She will always be with you. Beautiful how you have such empathy for Steven. Do you know how worthwhile that is? To be able to feel for someone other than yourself, This world is full of cold fish. You can make a difference, don't run away from your grief. Go towards it. You are not alone. You will come away from this experience a changed person. Embrace it. Now you have lost the physical person of cindy. Pray to her, talk to her and ask her to pray for you. You will feel her presence in your life too. Lu
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